Centering

Hello interwebs. It’s been a long time. So much has been happening in my life and I will eventually update here in subsequent posts, but for now, a more introspective post about my processing.

I’ve left a job I loved. A job that gave me a tremendous amount of fullfillment and purpose. A job I was passionate about, good at, and for which I was appreciated. I didn’t want to leave, but the lure of more money, potential stability, and maybe a pension, paid sick days, and pay for all the hours I put into it made me leave in search of something else. My chosen industry failed me, so I had to move on to another, foreign one. I decided to leave TEFL for Tech. It may have been a mistake.

I took a job at a tech company that was really just BPO for other tech companies. I worked on projects for their main client, we’ll call them…Banana. I was a transcriber for Banana’s virtual assistant, we’ll call it Zero. As employees for this company, we signed a pretty hardcore NDA prohibiting us from discussing our projects with ANYONE not our coworkers, not our PMs, not our friends, family, dog, the mirror, inner voice, or God. In addition, we were micromanaged constantly and were always in fear of losing our jobs. Targets were of utmost importance. The turnover was extremely high. Technically, I still work for them. But, someone leaked to the press what we do. We listen to Zero, well, recordings collected by Zero from users, and help Zero to understand language better. Yes, real humans listen in on what has been said. I’ve heard some interesting things, disturbing things, funny things.

Anyway, our project has been suspended due to the press leak and now all our jobs are on uncertain ground. We’ve been on paid leave since the story broke. I already wasn’t happy there, so the time off has given me the opportunity to do some thinking and centering. What’s really important to me? What’s most important for my family? Fullfillment and passion won’t pay the mortgage, so do I really need to take a job I hate in order to have that security? The obvious answer is ‘yes’. I’m fortunate though, I’m coming at this from a place of priviledge. I have a husband who has a stable job that he loves. He has the pension, the paid sick leave, adequate pay for hours worked. His salary can pay the mortgage, the diesel, the insurance, the groceries, all the necessary things. No extras though, nothing that gives us financial independence from each other. A strange thing to say as a married person, but it’s important. Then there’s the mental health aspect. Me being sad or upset all the time puts more of a strain on my marriage than lack of funds.

Limbo isn’t good for anyone. What am I doing with my time? Writing a blog post. Staying in my pajamas for far too long. Really getting into my forced vacation. Sending my CV around to various places. Going to a job interview. WHAT DO I WANT? Honestly? I wanted my teaching job to give me adequate compensation. That was the only job I genuinely loved.

Watch the space.

Keely